Methods to Resolve Dispute: Part III

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Methods to Resolve Dispute: Part III

Dr. Gottman has created a five-step technique to talk about a problem or significant issue that has to be resolved. Keep in mind that the objective is to better comprehend your partner’s perspective rather than to win the debate. When I work with couples, I want them to feel heard, understood, and appreciated for who they are as individuals. By taking the preceding steps, the problem frequently deescalates and the couple finds a solution. Couples that get along and don’t frequently argue can quickly come to an understanding. Disagreement threatens relationships if there is a lot of friction. Couples should go through each of the five steps listed below together.

  1. Feelings: Describe your feelings towards the circumstance. Don’t explain your feelings. Don’t make comments on your partner’s emotions. Maintain your lane.
  1. Factors: What is your “reality”? Pass the hat. Describe and at least somewhat substantiate your partner’s reality. Keep in mind that you shouldn’t feel threatened by their realities. Because we pay attention selectively during disagreement, couples often recall the same event differently.
  2. Triggers: Discuss the events or memories that may have caused the interaction to escalate, as well as the reasons why those events or memories are triggers for each of you. Own the trigger you use. Never criticize, downplay, or assign blame to your partner’s triggers.
  3. Accept responsibility for your part in the altercation or occurrence. Defenselessness is the reverse of this. When we assume a little responsibility, our spouse feels less threatened.
  4. Plans that really are constructive: Come up with a way that everyone of you can improve on it going forward. You are more able to reach an agreement with your partner now that you both understand your partner’s perspective, that you have both been heard, and that you have each accepted some of the blame for the unpleasant episode.

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