Take our $14.97 premarital course and save money on your Florida license and avoid the three day wait! We here at D’Arienzo Psychology are excited to help you take this next step toward marital happiness and success, and want to help deepen your relationship with your future spouse. Keep reading for tips and Dr. D’Arienzo’s tips on How Contempt Ruins Relationships:
Contempt goes beyond criticism or bad discourse. It happens when one partner asserts their better moral standing, mind, or compassion in general. The partner who is being supported feels unlovable and unworthy. For instance, stopping the other person repeatedly is rude. However, when the interruption is made out of contempt rather than an overzealous desire to speak, it becomes a statement that the companion has nothing interesting or important to say. A obvious illustration might be a partner saying, “Oh, he’s not worth listening to.” He was doomed because he had no story to fall back on.
A union can end because of contempt. When this kind of behavior becomes more frequent than it once was and when it is either unrecognized or provided on purpose, any relationship, much less a marriage, is in danger. When there is disdain, couples cannot feel like they are there for one another. Instead of “it’s you and I against the problem,” partners are now the foes. They are frequently in danger of being attacked or undercut. People frequently react in this way because they believe they are protecting themselves, which is usually a wise move. They are trying to protect themselves by defending themselves against them, but the problem is that they are upending their partner in the process. Our relationships with others and our wellbeing are both harmed by contempt. We require one another to survive. Contempt jeopardizes these ties to other people. According to studies, individuals who converse with contempt are more likely to suffer from conditions like cancer, heart disease, and the flu or the common cold.
Here are some strategies for removing disrespect from your relationship:
- Acknowledge and share negative feelings.
When we are unable to name or talk about our negative feelings, it is alluring to release them on others. For instance, I can’t believe you skipped our date night to go out with your friends. You’re a spoiled scumbag. You never consider how I feel. You never think of how I’m feeling.
Instead of speaking with disdain, use this strategy:
I’m annoyed and despondent because I was looking forward to our time together, so please describe how you’re feeling.
I’d like to avoid this from occurring in the future by talking about it first before altering plans, so please add the following proposal. Do you think we can accomplish that? Consult your conversation companion.
- Encourage an attitude of gratitude.
By showing our appreciation, we are more prone to concentrate on our partner’s strengths as opposed to their weaknesses.
The ideal ratio is at least five optimistic thoughts or feelings to one bad thought or feeling. The ideal situation is for our positive words and deeds to outweigh the bad ones.
Examine your patterns of discussion after a week. How often do you interact unfavorably with your partner (such as by nagging, criticizing, ignoring, or rolling your eyes) as opposed to constructively (such as by praising, complimenting, or going above and beyond for your partner)?
The following week, contact your partner using the secret number. Do you think differently?
You might also try making a list of 20 qualities about one another that you both admire. Read them out loud, then continue adding to the list.
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At D’Arienzo Psychology, we believe that marriage is a big deal. We want you to be well-prepared to begin a lifetime of marital bliss. Dr. Justin D’Arienzo, a Board-Certified Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Expert prepared a fully online, 4-hour Florida Premarital Education Course.
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