premarriage counseling leadership guide

Great guide I found to help those that need a little extra help with premarital counseling.

New post about our updates to the Florida Premarital Prep Course.

Recovering From an Affair

Recovering From An Affair was written for D’Arienzo Psychological Group by University of North Florida (UNF) Psychology Student and Future Industrial Organizational Psychologist, Brandon Araujo, in January 2013. His article offers great insights about steps couples should take to recover from an affair or from infidelity.

In addition to reading Recovering From Infidelity, couples dealing with an affair would also benefit from taking Dr. D’Arienzo’s Relationship Tune Up Course. The information in the course is similar to what Dr. D’Arienzo uses when treating patients and clients in therapy or counseling sessions when couples are coping with an affair or just want to improve their relationship.

If you are not recovering from an affair and are not married and do not need a relationship tune up but would like to participate in our Florida Premarital Preparation Course. Please click Online Florida Premarital Preparation Class. The premarital class is $19.99. By taking the class, if you are getting married in Florida, you will save $32.50 on your marriage license.

Recovering From An Affair

Infidelity is not clearly defined or determined by any specific behaviors; the definition of infidelity can vary between couples and even between the individuals within the relationship. For example, one partner may define infidelity as watching pornography while the other may consider it as having a sexual relationship with another person. Because of these different views, it is important to clearly discuss with your partner what you consider as infidelity.

If an affair is discovered in a relationship, it is vital to clearly communicate your thoughts about the situation to your partner. It is easy for one to become overwhelmed with emotions and make harsh impulsive decisions. In order to avoid these severe actions it may be appropriate to take some time away from each other to help calm down so that you may be able to think rationally about the situation. After calming down, communicate your rationalized thoughts and feelings with your partner; using a relationship licensed counselor or psychologist may ease this necessary action. By doing this you set the foundation for healing the relationship.

After setting the foundation, the next step towards recovering from infidelity is practicing mutual support. Kristee Williams states in her article, “Toward Mutual Support: A Task Analysis of the Relational Justice Approach to Infidelity,” that there are four conditions needed to practice mutual support and recover from infidelity. The first of the four is “mutual attunement.” This refers to the ability for both partners to express empathy for the other’s emotions created by the infidelity. Small behaviors such as, maintaining eye contact and crying with your partner can enhance mutual attunement. The next condition is “mutual vulnerability,” meaning that each partner exposes themselves to emotional risks in the relationship. This can be practiced by continuously sharing your fears, expectations, and emotions about the relationship with your partner.

The third condition is “shared relational responsibility,” which is the ability to take responsibility for your partner and the relationship as a whole. In many relationships there is one partner that puts in more work than the other. This causes that partner to feel unappreciated, which can lead to doubts about the relationship. To avoid these doubts, communicate with your partner about how much work you both are willing to put into the relationship and find an equilibrium. The final condition is “ mutual influence,” or the ability to influence your partner to respond to you. How often do you have a really great idea for a date night and your partner shoots the idea down? This is an example of poor mutual influence. In order to improve on this aspect, take turns with your partner deciding on things to do together, such as going to an art museum or going on a hike.

These attributes are occasionally seen as difficult to develop, but many couples find it easier with the assistance of a couples counselor or psychologist. Partners who are able to develop these four attributes in a relationship will be more likely to “experience new relational possibilities beyond the infidelity.”

References

Williams, K., Galick, A., Knudson-Martin, C., & Huenergardt, D. (2013). Toward

Mutual Support: A Task Analysis of the Relational Justice Approach to Infidelity. Journal Of Marital & Family Therapy, 39(3), 285-298. doi:10.1111/j.1752-0606.2012.00324.x

D’Arienzo Psychological Group is a clinical, forensic, and organizational psychological practice located in Jacksonville, Florida.  Dr. D’Arienzo, a clinical and forensic psychologist is a local relationship expert specializing in marital counseling and couples counseling. Dr. D’Arienzo also provides corporate relationship training, soft skills training, and marriage seminars.  

The Effects of Relationship Problems

On Work Performance

It is important for employers to understand how stress impacts their employees’ work performance and to understand about the effects of relationship problems on work performance. In order to maintain effective work performance, employers need to maintain a keen eye on their workers and offer them the necessary assistance when they are having relationship problems. Having relationship difficulties with a spouse or partner can dramatically impact one’s work performance. To maintain a healthy and high performing workforce, employers should offer benefits, trainings or workshops for their employees to ensure they have healthy sound relationships which then greatly enhances the bottom line. D’Arienzo Psychological Group, a Jacksonville, Florida Clinical, Forensic, and Organizational Psychological Firm offers such services to HR departments as well as to individuals. Contact us today at 904-379-8094 for assistance.

D’Arienzo Psychological Group also offers a premarital preparation class that can be taken online that can assist in acquiring the skills necessary to improve one’s relationship which will improve or maintain one’s work performance. The premarital course can be found at  http://www.drdarienzo.com/courses/premarital-preparation-course-florida/.

The Effects of Relationship Problems and Work was written for D’Arienzo Psychological Group by University of North Florida (UNF) Psychology Student and Future Industrial Organizational Psychologist, Brandon Araujo, in January 2013. His article offers great insight about the importance of keeping workers emotionally fit and mentally healthy in their marital relationships.

The Effects of Relationship Problems On Work Performance

Many people struggle with stressful and burdensome relationships that take a toll on their mental and even physical health. This stress does not only affect their relationship but can also impact one’s abilities at work. In today’s work environment stress is becoming one of the largest problems for employers. “A study of personnel today and IRS Employment review found that more than 40% of employees had reported an increase in stress in the last year” (Jehangir et. al, 2011). According to Soares, Jacobs, and Adaramola (2012), these dramatic increases in stress will lead to poorer performance levels in the workplace due to their findings that stress has a strong curvilinear relationship with performance. As stress decreases performance increases until a certain point; then as stress continues to decrease performance begins to decrease. Mirela and Madalina (2011) found that with increased levels of stress in the workplace there were higher reports of accidents that occurred causing a decline in revenue for employers.

Relationship difficulties are just one source of stress that impacts work performance but this type of stress is one of the most influential. Chaoping (2013) discovered that employees with a high level of relationship problems “are not able to exert any further psychological and emotional resources than they currently use to perform their tasks at work, making them less likely to develop an affective bond with the organization.” Chaoping also states that relationship conflicts “had a significant impact on work outcomes, including their affective commitment, normative commitment, and task performance.”

In order to prevent poor work performance resulting from relationship stress one must solve their relationship problems. In order to solve these problems one must learn to communicate their thoughts about problems and issues with their partner. A relationship counselor or psychologist may be helpful in identifying and solving the problem(s) in the relationship.

Dr. Justin D’Arienzo, Jacksonville, Florida, Clinical and Forensic Psychologist, and Relationship Expert, can be contacted directly at 904-379-8094 to discuss services available for your employees. He is Jacksonville’s soft skills expert!

Dr. Justin D’Arienzo also offers a certified Florida premarital preparation class that can be taken online. Taking this class for newly or soon to be married couples can greatly address and improve potential problems that a couple may have. The class can be found at  http://www.drdarienzo.com/courses/premarital-preparation-course-florida/

Relationship Help 101 Before Marriage

I have posted a great Relationship Help 101 Before Marriage article from February 2013 that gives great support to new skills that are developed in couples therapy. One of those skills is learning to take the other person’s perspective. In marriage and in other relationships, we often believe that the other person’s behavior or attitudes are related to us or are threatening to us when most often, the other’s attitudes and behaviors are about them and their own perspective. Most people are familiar with this and understand the importance of doing this yet emotions in the relationship prevent them from taking the other’s perspective. In therapy we first work to reduce the tension perpetuating this gridlock and then explore the other’s perspective. In therapy, I often refer to Steven Covey’s habit of “Seek first to understand before being understood,” when explaining the importance of this skill.

If one or a couple is not ready to embark upon a journey in couples therapy, I would suggest engaging in the example outlined in the study below as a relationship self help measure. Our Florida Marriage Preparation Course covers this topic as well.

Marriage Research: Study Shows A 21-Minute Writing Task Can Improve Your Marriage